I don't even know where to begin this email, I am sure a lot of you have been waiting to see what I write on this day, the 9th, the 2nd year mark of my mother's passing. To be honest I have no words. I have pondered on what I wanted to write and express but I have no words to describe what I feel inside. My heart is full at this time. It's so very bittersweet today for me. 2 years ago from yesterday on the small island of Hawaii, I received my mission call to the Albuquerque, New Mexico mission. I can't even begin to describe the feelings I had at that time; to be honest I wasn't too happy to be called here. I thought I was going some where else. That evening I remember walking by the temple and it was raining (side note last night it was raining and it reminded me of this night of the 8th of September, 2012) and I was told that my mission isn't for me it's for others and that there are specific people I need to help and that the Lord's called me there. I felt so much energy, the Holy Ghost confirmed to me that I needed to serve in that mission. I remember texting my dad that night telling him I wanted to tell mom the next day where I was serving because she was too sick to hear when I called earlier. I went to bed that night with a strong missionary spirit, determined to conquer my misson and to serve my heart out. Little did I know what was in store for me the next day... little did I know that my life was going to change more than I ever thought possible, little did I know that someone else in my family would recieve a mission call as well...
Next morning was the first Sunday in my new student ward, I remember being excited to tell my mom where I was serving later that day. 2nd hour of church I remember being asked to stand in my mission preparation class and announce where I got called to serve and everone clapped and that got me more excited for my misison. It was in the 3rd hour of church in priesthood that changed my life forever. I will never forget the text I got from my dad hearing that my mom's not doing good. I remember freaking out but knowing that all is ok, it has to be, she's fine, she's gonna call me soon. Waiting and waiting for a response, finally my roomate told me I should just go out and call him, so I did. I remember the clock on the wall, the chair I sat in, the door I walked out of as if I'm there now. Not knowing what was to come once I walked out of the church, the 2nd crack on the right in a pathway is when my dad answered and told me...
My life flipped. My world changed, every nightmare came true, I wanted someone to pinch me and wake me up. I had to at that time decide if there truly is a God and if so, if he knew me and why he would let this happen. I'm sorry to say but my faith was tested, I had much anger in my heart and sorrow. I didn't know what to believe. Later I had the experience too sacred to share here, many of you know it from the funeral, but that was when I was built up. When I knew that my Savior lived, that He loved me. That my mother was not far, that this was part of a plan, a divine plan, that this had to happen. That my mom, as well as myself, had a greater calling in our lives together, that our bond would only get stronger.
I again will say, as I said over a year ago in one of my emails, the greatest trials you face will be the greatest blessings you receive, I testify that that is true. I know now for a fact that God lives, that Jesus is the Christ, that there truly is life after death, that families can be together forever and that there is a plan of happiness for all of us. I love my life more and appreciate it so much more because of this trial, I have been able to bear this witness to those who have lost hope in a God and in a happy life; because of this trial I have been an instrument in God's hand to help bring the world truth. I know that my mom is by my side, she has been a sustaining help to me, she has been teaching and serving others her whole mortal life and now her life in the spirit world.
I know at times I struggle, I have grief or anger because I miss her, and that this email might sound depressing but I hope it doesn't. I want to share with you all what was on my mind 2 years ago and how much I have changed from that day. Nothing is going to stop me from being EXACTLY the son my mother raised me to be, who she always saw me to be, who she believed I could become. I'm on my course back to her and living in such a way to do that. My family is eternal and to me that is the only thing that keeps me going day to day; knowing that my dad, Dylan, and Jessica and I will one day be with my beautiful mother.Let's remember to make it a Claudine day by helping others around you, but not just for today, but always, because my mother always served.
Though time might go on, some people may forget how special this day is, I want you to all know that I will never forget this day, because the 9th of September is where I truly found out who Justin Williams Taylor is and that God does live and how important family truly is.Love to you all,The SON of the Greatest Woman to LiveHeres a poem I wrote for my mom on last Mother's Day but just never sent it:Charity, diligence, and virtue is how you lived your lifealways striving to be Christ like.I'll never forget that every nightyou'd come sit at my bedside.We would talk about my lifeand all my dreams I had deep inside.You'd leave with an "I love you" as you looked in my eyeI knew you loved me and never lied.
Now its the 2nd Mothers Daythat you have been gone to what people think is so far awaybut I know it's not too far because I feel you with me as I pray.Even as I struggle with my challenges everdayI know your Near, I hope you Stay,My Vision is Clear, I'm headed your way.I've got to live better than my pastto progress and grow and be my best.So that our little beautiful familymay join in heaven to then be in restfrom all our trials together and all our tests.If we just endure this time of separationI am sure, that we will be eternally blessed!Love you, Mom!
2 Weeks ago we hiked up to the volcanos here and got the best zone picture ever!